Where Simpletons Dare Not Tred
by DarkestDestiny06
Summary: Have you ever wondered why Vegeta doesn't like the Zfighters very much? Well, if you had the same dreams Vegeta has about them, you'd be disgusted by their mere presence as well. Dive into this humorous adventure where idiotic things really can be scary.
1. Disturbing Secrets

**WARNING:** For those of you who don't like extreme weird humor, then don't bother reading at all. It would either be to boring or disgusting for you.

* * *

There was a cool breeze that swept across the Capsule Corp compound. Leaves danced along the sparkling grass as footsteps echoed upon death ears from the far west part of the large home. Eventually, the cause of the footsteps appeared as it walked along the morning dew. The flamed haired Saiyan, known as Vegeta, was taking advantage of such a rare occasion of solitude and was taking a stroll. Silence was all that he needed this morning to sooth his tense nerves. This one moment of peace that he yearned for so many months will have to wait yet another few months, for fate decided to continue it's personal cruel entertainment on the prince. The tormented prince sighed in aggravation as the one thing that could possibly ruin his day appeared in a flash to the left of him, walking side by side.

"Hey V-man! How's it going?"

Vegeta's reply consisted of him scrunching his eyebrows together with a slight scowl and continued to walk. Goku, being the clueless guy that he is, shrugged and grinned as usual. For the next few minutes, Vegeta had a vein appear on his forehead with his eyes closed tightly as Goku hummed "It's a small world after all". An annoyed growl emitted from his throat, which caused Goku to stop humming. Another few moments passed with Vegeta mentally cursing Goku while Goku seemed to be thinking for a change.

"Vegeta...I have something to tell you."

"Kakkorot...shut up."

Goku's left eye twitched and then suddenly he pined Vegeta to the wall of C.C. and got his face really close to Vegetas'.

"No, for once you will listen to me, god damn it!"

Vegeta's nose scrunches from Goku's vile breath as Goku's forehead held some sweat.

"I-...I'm..."

"What? Constipated?"

Goku steps a bit back from Vegeta and blushes.

"Well, besides that..."

Vegeta's eyes widen in horror.

"D-don't tell me your MOUTH is your ass hole!"

"No! But the smell does reach out of my mouth...for...some reason."

Vegeta moves his head back.

"Well, besides you being constipated, ass hole breath, and being a complete idiot...what else must you tell me?"

Goku's gaze turns toward the ground as he tries to find the right words to say.

"Um...this isn't easy for me to say..."

Vegeta's eyes start to twitch in anger.

"Well, allow me to 'make' it easier."

Vegeta grabs Goku's throat and squeezes tighter and tighter, which causes Goku to panic.

"'Cough' YOUR MY TWIN BROTHER! 'Cough' TWIN I SAY! TWIIIN! 'Cough' NOW LET GO OF ME!"

Vegeta goes wide-eyed and slightly looses his grip on Goku.

"You know it in your heart to be true..."

Goku goes teary eyed and smiles lovingly at Vegeta. Vegeta does a double blink and then his eyes grow red with rage.

"You...how DARE you say were related!"

Vegeta squeezes harder on Goku's throat. Goku's eyes turn to tears of pain and disappointment.

"Oh ya 'Cough' you don't have a heart..."

"Well it's about time you realized that you ignorant fool!"

"Think back Vegeta...before you came to earth...before you met Frieza...before our planet was exploded...think back...think...back."

Vegeta gives Goku a weird look, but thinks back anyway.

"If that is your dieing wish, then so be it, Kakkorot."

'Flash Back' Vegetasei before Frieza

A mini version of Vegeta was sitting in the meadow watching as butterflies float around when suddenly...a cracking noise appears. Vegeta jumps into a fighting stance like a cat does when startled. He scans the area...but nothing...was found.

"Your time has come, little prince."

Vegeta feels a warm breath against his ear and quickly turns around again with his fists ready to strike, but yet again, there was nothing. Sounds of footsteps surrounded him as if this 'thing' was everywhere at once. Vegeta starts to walk backwards until he fell into a huge hole. It was dark...freezing...and a sickening silence fell upon his ears...

"Ah...so the little prince is lost. How...exciting."

An evil laughter flowed through out the underground cave. The voice left as quickly as it came. All was quite until Vegeta walked back into a deep pool of smoggy water. Vegeta struggles to get free, as he is pulled deeper into the dark depths. Suddenly, he was pulled out of the pool and out of the cave within a few seconds.

"Boo."

Vegeta yanked his arm free and punched the 'thing' in the face.

"Ow! V! Geeze, it was just a joke!"

Vegeta snarled and started to walk back into the meadow.

"Come on V, don't be a party pooper...it's not my fault you get scared easi-"

Vegeta whacked it across the face before it could finish his sentence.

"Are you saying I'm weak?"

It shook it's head and opened it's mouth to reply, but was silenced by Vegeta breaking it's nose.

"Kakkorot...the next time you call me week will be the last time you ever eat again!"

Vegeta pulls his fist back from Goku's face and turned his back to him. Vegeta quickly swung his arm around, which caused Goku to flinch.

"Ah, two for flinching."

Vegeta slugs Goku in the face twice. Goku rubs his barely seeable nose, but then smirks. Vegeta raises an eyebrow and before he could see what Goku was planning, Goku got closer and closer to Vegeta's face, took a HUGE breath and...

"Ah-CHO!"

Blood was all over Vegeta's face.

"Haha. Tasty, isn't it?"

Vegeta rips some of Goku's hair off, rubs it in Goku's bloody nose, and then shoves in Goku's mouth.

"Tasty, isn't it?"

Goku munches a bit and grins.

"Actually...it is!"

Goku rips his own hair out and continues to eat it.

"Oh ya, dad says we have to 'bond' today!"

"Like hell I do."

"Come on, V! Booooooooooooooond with me, brothers have to booooooooooooooooooooond!"

Goku raises his arms at Vegeta and runs towards him.

"Give me a HUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGG!"

Vegeta goes wide-eyed and flies towards the palace with a deformed looking Goku behind him, screaming about sharing hair to eat.

"Oh! Do you think armpit hair would taste better? Oh! Maybe the hair near my weenie will have extra flavor!"

Screamed Goku as Vegeta flew even faster into the sunrise.

'End Flash Back'

Vegeta snaps out of his trance while Goku is still talking.

"Think...back...think...back...think...ba-"

"Shut up!"

"So, did you think...back...?"

"Yes, and it was quite...disturbing..."

Goku's stomach grumbles loudly. Goku grins and reaches down into his 'undies', but then frowns in disappointment. He mumbles 'no more left', but then his eyes get wide and he has a huge grin towards Vegeta. Without warning, dives his hand into Vegeta's 'undies'. Vegeta screams in agony as Goku pulls out curly hairs and shoves half of it into his mouth.

"Hey, you want some, V? There's enough for two!"

Vegeta throws Goku at a tree and falls to the ground holding himself.

"By the balls of Kami, Kakkorot!"

Goku shrugs and shoves the rest of the curly hair into his mouth and rubs his tummy in happiness.

"Man, I always wondered how yours tasted...much better! A bit tangy if I might add!"

Goku looks worriedly at Vegeta and starts to walk towards him. Vegeta recovers from his 'tragic experience' and looks up in horror to see Goku walking in slow motion towards him. He shudders when he sees 'love' in Goku's eyes, but what gave Vegeta fear was...the hungriness behind the love as Goku licked his lips a few times. Vegeta got up and started to walk backwards until Goku fazed out of sight and appeared behind Vegeta, which caused Vegeta to walk into him. Goku raped his arms around Vegeta so he couldn't move.

"Veg...there's more that I must tell you..."

"From what you've told me so far, I'm amazed that I'm not dead yet!"

"I'm...having a child..."

Vegeta froze from his struggle to get free.

"But how? You are a MALE! How is that possible!"

"Well, it starts when a man loves a women and when they buy their own little motel down in Las Vegas and they drink LOTS of beer an-"

"That's not what I meant!"

"...?...Oh! I see, gotcha there. Well, when I originally killed the first Piccolo, some of his cells fused with mine as I went through his body... So that gave me the ability to bare a BEUTIFUL child! But first, I needed to find the perfect person to get a child from!

Vegeta was holding in vomit as Goku fell silent.

"I first choose Yamcha, but his sperm were to dumb to find the entrance so they all died."

That did it for Vegeta.

"BLAAAAAAAAAA!"

Vomit went everywhere. Goku grabbed some of the vomit and ate it.

"Oh! Taste just like Pepsi!"

Some kind of weird blob filled with piss suddenly appeared and ran up to Goku's face. It's eyes turn to little slits and it whispered '...ew...' then ran back to whereever it came from. The piss monster's scent left a surprisingly minty freshness in the air.

"...as I was saying, Yamcha's sperm were to dumb so they died. He said he was sorry and I told him that it was okay, he did his best. So after we enjoyed some tea and crumpets, I left and went to Bulma instead...man, was she HORNY and DRUNK! So, I went a head and did it with her!"

"WHAT!"

Vegeta kept on throwing his head back and forth so he could hit Goku in the face.

"V! It's okay! Turns out that Bulma's a girl! So she didn't get me pregnant...even though she was wonderful in be-"

Another head butt from Vegeta.

"And THAT'S suppose to make me feel better...HOW?"

"Uh...I don't know, just felt like saying it. But seriously V..."

Goku lets go of Vegeta and turns him around so they can look at each other eye to eye while he held Vegeta's shoulders.

"I'm not sure how you're going to take this, but you'll enjoy the news! YOU, my lovable brother, are the father! Isn't that great?"

Vegeta's jaw drops in horror.

"What the hell! Are you crazy! I never EVER touched you in any means unless it was to KILL you!"

Goku's warm smile turned to a sad frown, then his lips started to shake.

"You don't...want to be...the father?"

"What kind of idiotic question is that? Of course not! Plus, I never did 'it' with you! So I can't 'be' the father!"

"Ohhhhh, Is THAT all that's stopping you from loving our child?"

"'Our'? OURRRRR?"

"Well, it's quite simple really. You don't HAVE to do 'it' with me to be the father..."

"So your saying that me beating the crap out of you is actually impregnating you!"

"Oh no, silly!"

Goku playfully pinches Vegeta's cheek. Vegeta smacked Goku's hand away.

"Don't touch me!"

"Well, what happened was that when you were in the GR, I would turn the heat up inside the GR so you would get sweaty and, dare I say it? HOT!"

Goku's face turns to a dreamy look as he blinks his eyelashes and blushes while Vegeta twitches.

"Well, you would eventually need water so all I did was wait...actually, I dozed off. But I woke up to the most wonderful sound of my life. The lovely tinkling sounds, more beautiful then fish being fried. It made me so hard and stiff where I myself tinkled. It caused me to swell and bulge at the knowledge that your body was bare. (Haha, had to add that. ) I knew my plan had worked. After you left the bathroom part of the GR, I slid underneath it and ripped the box out that held the precious liquid you deposited it in. I ripped it out a bit too hard which caused the toilet to come with it, but I considered that a bonus for my Veggie shrine at home."

Vegeta gave Goku a confused/disgusted look.

"...you stole...my toilet?"

"No! I stole the box of liquids, the toilet just kept on hugging the box. It didn't want to part from its love...a love we will both share soon!"

"Wait, you have a shrine of m-"

"As I was saying, I took the box full of your 'love potion' and flew to some place in the woods. I already had a tub ready to be filled in, as well as other containers filled with your 'love potions'. After I filled it, I did a belly flop into it...ah...I could just feel my skin sucking it in like a sponge! My mind screaming 'More...MORE!' So, I grabbed a bowl of noodles and dumped them into the tub with me. I also grabbed a bag full of Piccolo's antennas to use as chopsticks for the noodles and ate the antennas later. And th-"

Goku froze with his eyes that widen so huge that they looked like they'd pop out. He started to hiccup violently, his face turning blue. A large bump appeared in his throat that doubled the size of his neck. Vegeta 's face turned a shade of green when veins literally started to burst out of his neck. Vegeta, being disgusted by the sight punched Goku's neck a 'little' too hard. Something slimy spited out and smacked Vegeta in the face. The force pushed Vegeta to fall on his bottom while he held his face in pain. The slimy object landed in Vegeta's lap, which caused the prince to move his hands away from his face to see it.

"What the hell?"

Overcome by curiosity, he got his face closer and closer to the object while Goku was trying to glue his veins back into place. As Vegeta's face got really close to it, the object suddenly burst open to revile a pair of yellow eyes. Vegeta leaned a bit away from the creature to get a better view and away from the smell. It had green skin, blue flame like hair, and an orange tail.

"Oh look, V! It's our love child!"

Vegeta couldn't believe that this thing that was sitting on hip lap was real. With his mouth hanging open, he continued to think he was imagining things when Goku kneeled down next to him and got a closer look.

"Hm...it seems that we aren't the only fathers, Veg! It's got Piccolo's skin, Bulma's hair color, your hair style, and some how got the same colored tail as my training outfit! Look, it's even got bit's of blue on it! Oh, and it also has that cat's eyes that I tried getting pregnant with!...I can't see anything in there resembling Yamcha...I guess his genes really are stupid."

Vegeta was still not believing his eyes and continued to stare at the thing...thinking that it possibly couldn't be real since it hadn't even made a noise, but fear itself would have screamed in horror from what happened next.

"Hey babe!"

Said the creature as it winked at Vegeta while Goku clapped his hands in delight.

"Ah! It's got Yamcha's voice! How cute!"

After hearing the thing speak, realization hit Vegeta. It was real...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

Hehe, that's it, for this chapter. Each chapter will be a mini fic of what Vegeta dreams about. Some of you are probably pissed cause you thought this was going to be that one story I mentioned I was making in "When Two Stubborn Souls Collide"...actually, I write these mini fics when I'm on writers block to make up for all that time I've wasted. I'd like to thank 'SportschickVLVR' for being my inspiration for each stupid mini fic I make, for they usually come to my mind when I'm with her on AIM. Next chapter/dream involves flying cats and talking condoms and other odd surprises inside! '...ew...' If you have any requests, just mention them and I'll see what I can do. 


	2. Killer Condoms

It was a clear and starry night as a cool breeze drifted across the grounds of C. C. The lights were off…well…all except one. A soft blue glow shined through one of the windows, which came from the TV held in the living room. There, on the couch, sat the prince of all Saiyans in all his mighty glory. The TV flickered as Vegeta switched channel after channel until a station with two women wrestling in a pile of mustard graced the screen. He sighed, but decided to leave it on that channel seeing as nothing else competitive was on. Suddenly, a thump made itself known. He snapped his head in the direction of the stairs where he heard the thump. On the second floor, was a tall shadowy figure, but left not a moment later with a squeaky noise. Vegeta, being the 'kill everything in sight' person that he is, turned off the television and followed after the shadowy figure to investigate. As he climbed up the stairs, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and was met with a spider winking at him with a 'piss monster' T-shirt on. He raised his hand to flick the spider away and then continued his was up the stairs. As he reached the last step, he heard another squeaky noise. He looked down to his boots and lifted one of them up. His eyes widen in horror as the scent of horny earthlings filled the air, which was the exact same time he saw a slimy condom stick to his boot. He flung the boot off in such a panic that it landed on Dr. Brief's cat. The cat suddenly became evil and sprouted bat-like wings. It flew into the air and lunged itself at Vegeta with the condom hanging on it's tooth. Vegeta did a limbo under the cat, which resulted in the cat stopping right above his nose, looking for him. With the condom dangling mere centimeters from his eyes, it was about to sneeze. He smashed his eyes shut to avoid the sneeze and then opened one of his eyes to see what the damage was. The condom dripped yellowish/reddish slime and everything in the room seemed to slow impossibly still. Vegeta screamed bloody murder as it landed in his eye. Steam started to rise from his eye as he dropped to the ground in pain. He got up moments later and started blasting the cat. With a satisfied smirk, the cat blew up into millions of pieces. He laughed evilly in victory, when...the condom landed in his throat. He banged his back against a wall and out the condom flew. He quickly flew to the nearest bathroom and drank all the Listerine, even some firecrackers to blow the juices out. As he left the bathroom... the condom was no longer where he spat it out. A chill ran down his spine and then he smacked his forehead in annoyance.

"Heh, me, the prince of all Saiyans, the destroyer of zillions of planets, feared through out the universe... is afraid of a used condom... pathetic."

But, as he looked down the hall, the shadowy figure returned and ran into...

"GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT OF MY QUARTERS!"

He sped down the hall and skidded to a halt in front of his room, which had no light on.

(Insert 'Halloween Theme')

He pushed the creaking door open and hesitantly turned on the light. He fell to his knees in painful horror. The whole room was filled with 'small' condoms filled with yellow slime, dancing among a body, singing 'TROJAN MANNNN!" Vegeta couldn't move his legs, but he was determined to rid himself of these 'things' once and for all. He crawled on his gut like some military dude towards the 'sacrifice' the crazy condoms were having. As he got closer, the body was reviled to be Krillin all bloody, especially in a 'certain' place. On each side of Krillin's head was a condom, pulling one long condom in and out of his ear on each side...well, at least it looked like a condom. Vegeta ignored the site and crawled towards the dancing condoms. Some became acrobats and made a triangle pyramid as they jumped on top of each other with one speaking.

"YOU! Furry man! Are you... the weenie of legends?"

Vegeta, feeling really stupid, replied to it.

"And what if I am?"

"The weenie of legends will be worshiped by so many condoms! It is destined that the weenie of legends will fuse with our legendary goddess! The cave of pleasures is what she is known as."

Vegeta, thinking this was the stupidest thing he has ever heard of, flipped the condoms off. One latched itself onto his finger and sucked at his skin like a leach.

"Hm... yup, tastes like the weenie of legends!"

Vegeta's left eye twitched and powered up the finger being sucked on and the blue energy melted the plastic off his hand.

"WEENIE THE POO! NOOOOOO! That was our dinner! He was the fat one among us! 'sniff'"

The condoms suddenly started to close in on Vegeta saying 'one of us, one of us'. They tied 'string' around his limbs and strapped him to the floor.

"This string is made from the finest hair! Compliments from Raditz Corporation."

Vegeta went wide-eyed as they ripped his pants and undies off.

"W-what the hell are you slime bags doing!"

"We are recovering 'the weenie of legends', you are just the messenger. We will 'remove' him from your service now."

One of the slime bags pulled out an electrical pizza cutter and slimed its way towards Vegeta. Vegeta could not budge from the... salty sweaty strings... as he kept pushing against the floor. All seemed lost, until...

'Tinkle'

Vegeta smirked in victory as he pushed too hard, causing him to piss urine at one of the condoms, melting it instantly. Some how, he started using muscles he never knew he had, moving his 'weapon' of choice around with his groin muscles, shooting one by one.

"HAHAHAHA! I am the prince of all Saiyans once again!"

But something horrible happened at that very moment... he ran out of ammo. Thinking that he should have eaten that deformed soup Bulma cooked him earlier would have gave him back up, but couldn't dwell in the past at the moment. They crawled on his leg, worming their way closer and closer to the 'throne room', which resulted in Vegeta trying to whack them away with his empty 'weapon'. That's when a crash echoed from the window of the bedroom.

"Veggie! I can't believe you'd have a donut party without me!"

"Kakkorot, You fool! Kill the slime balls!"

Goku looked around and saw Krillin all bloody in 'certain' areas.

"Veg, you gave him too many Bloody Marys."

A slapping noise brought Goku's attention back to Vegeta.

"Hey! You got a new pet worm! Man it's big. What did you do, nuke it?"

Before Vegeta could reply, Goku saw shiny circles around the floor as well as some crawling up towards Vegeta's new pet. He just stared at them... watched... stunned... the light reflected off the slimy plastic resembled the supposedly twice destroyed moon. He started to shake uncontrollably with his eyes turning purple with three green pupils in each. He collapsed to the ground and tiny caliper-like legs sprouted all over the front side of his body. He started to crawl around like a worm and slithered his way around the room. He stopped towards the back of the room and screamed.

"DONUTS!"

He then sped his way through the room with his chin an inch away from the ground and ate one condom after another.

"Oh! Glaze donuts!"

He then slid up Vegeta's leg in the same manner, sucking all the condoms like a vacuum, blearily missing Vegeta's weapon. After all the condoms in the room were eaten, Goku changed back to his normal form from lack of moon-like light. Goku then belched and rubbed his tummy in delight.

"Ha! That's what you get for not inviting me to your donut party!"

"Believe me, Kakkorot. You can have all the 'donuts'."

Goku froze in place and was silent for a few moments. He then started to panic and ran around the room, ripping out drawers, cabinets, and blankets. Hell, even the blasted toilet. He finally frowned in defeat, until he glanced at Vegeta and grinned from ear to ear. He lunged himself at Vegeta, reaching for his limbs. An already pissed off Vegeta kicked Goku in the gut, which caused Goku to fly into a wall. Vegeta then gave Goku a warning growl.

"Sorry Veg, but I needed the strings around you to use as dental floss."

And with that, Goku proceeded to clean his teeth with the salty hairs. Realizing that he was now free, Vegeta got up and redressed himself and gazed upon his once clean room. He then noticed Krillin was no longer here.

"Kakkorot, where's chrome do-"

He stopped when he saw Goku with a very large stomach.

"...idiot."

Goku turned around with curly hairs sticking out of his teeth.

"Did you say something, V?"

Vegeta shook his head at Goku's stupidity and walked out of his bedroom with a confused Goku behind him. As they continued to walk down the hall, a squeaky noise appeared. They both twirled around, but nothing was there. Yet, another squeaky noise appeared and they swung around to their original position to see a shadowy figure at the end of the hall. Instead of fleeing, the figure walked its way towards the Saiyans, each step containing a squeak. It stopped a few feet away from them and all that could be heard was a rough breathing. After awhile, Vegeta broke the silence.

"Who are you?"

"The correct question is... 'Who am I?'"

"...like I said, who are you?"

It stomped it's feet a few times before replying.

"No, no, no! You're doing it all wrong! You'll never know who I am if you don't follow along!"

Vegeta sighed in annoyance and replied.

"Or I could just do this."

Vegeta raised his hand to the wall and flipped the light switch on, which startled the creature.

"Damn... forgot about the lights."

The lights revealed the shadowy figure to be Yamcha in a brown robe.

"Well, well, well... look who it is."

Yamcha glared at Vegeta, but then grinned.

"You may have found out who I am earlier then expected, but that just means your death will come sooner then planed."

Vegeta chuckled.

"You? A threat? Ph, the woman's ditzy mother is more of a challenge then you."

Yamcha snarled and stretched his arms out a bit.

"Lo and behold! The long lost power of the Trojan condoms has returned to smite thee!"

His robe then turned to shreds as octopus tentacles sprouted from his body with slimy condoms all over the extra limbs. Vegeta's jaw hung slightly open in disgust.

"Well, that explains where all the extremely tiny condoms came from."

Yamcha's eyebrows knitted together from the insult and started to shoot condoms out of his limbs. Vegeta calmly grabbed Goku and held him in front of him. He expertly twisted Goku's body around and around so that Goku could eat the condoms that flew towards them. As soon as the condoms stopped firing, he held Goku as if he was reloading a rifle, which caused Goku to fart out a greenish gas, and then sat Goku down next to him. Yamcha glared daggers at Vegeta and mumbled 'Stupid Saiyans and their bottomless stomachs'.

"Prepare yourself, Vegeta, for the longest fight you'll ever have!"

Yamcha then leaped towards Vegeta, but then stopped in mid air when he glanced at Goku. Both Goku and Vegeta, looked in the direction Yamcha was looking at, which just happened to me Goku's gut. Goku's shirt was covered in blood. Goku ripped his shirt open and saw that his belly button was leaking blood. Suddenly, little sausage-like things crawled their way out of the belly button and started to stretch the hole wider and wider until something round and shiny poked out. The sausage-like things turned out to be fingers. Goku's eyes rolled to the back of his head and all at once, the thing inside him ripped his torso in half and out spat Krillin towards Yamcha screaming 'Death to all who oppose me!'. After a few moments, Krillin had killed Yamcha and was devouring one of his tentacles in a zombie-like state, moaning in happiness. Vegeta just grunted and said.

"Well, what do you know, it wasn't a long fight after all."

He then glanced at Goku, who had collapsed to the floor earlier from bleeding to death. Krillin snapped his colorless eyes towards Vegeta and growled, thinking that Vegeta was going to steal his home. Krillin then ran on all fours back to Goku and dived headfirst back into his gut, crawling around and around in the cave like a cat before it lies down to go to sleep. Vegeta stood there for a moment then left. A few moments later, he returned with a collar and rapped it around Krillin's neck with 'Zibo, property of prince Vegeta' on the nametag. Vegeta proceeded to walk back downstairs to watch girls wrestle in mustard on the TV when a delicious smell graced his nose. He smirked and headed towards the kitchen where Mrs. Brief was just placing his plate down.

"Hey there, muffin! Ready for some hotdogs?"

Ignoring the nickname, he grunted and took a seat and was about to consume one of the hotdogs, but froze. He gazed at the hotdog for a long while, wondering why it looked so familiar. His eyes widen as he dropped the hotdog back on to the plate. His mouth became dry as he glided his hand slowly down his torso to his lower region. He hesitated right above his pride and joy, and then tried to grasp it... but felt nothing. He stood up quickly and tore his pants and undies off and screamed in painful realization. His manhood was no longer there, but was now in between the hotdog bun instead. He fell to his knees and looked at the ceiling with a feeling of emptiness, when Mrs. Brief spoke up after 'realizing' what was wrong with the prince.

"Oh, I'm sorry dear. I forgot to get you your ketchup."

* * *

Heh, Zibo is actually my brother's nickname. Oh, and the 'piss monster' thing is actually an inside joke me and a freind of mine had, so don't get all confused over it. Next chapter, I'm not sure what to do with since i'm trying to get back to work on my other story, but i'm thinking Raditz will be involved in the next chapter. I need ideas! AIM me or something! T.T


	3. Beneath the Hair

Doo...Doo...Doo...Doo...'Missiles fire'...Doo...Doo...

Panting heavily, Vegeta was shooting rock after rock in the game called 'Asteroids' in an arcade down town.

Doo...Doo...

He was drenched in sweat after standing there for 28 hours straight with a pile of dust around him from some unlucky kids who wanted a turn to play.

Doo...Doo...

The burnt flesh in the air was stinging his unblinking red eyes as they darted across the screen.

Dodododododo...

Victory was in his grasp, when he was suddenly tackled to the ground.

'Beep beep game over'

Vegeta shoved the person who tackled him to the wall and slammed his fist through the computer screen.

"Vengeance will be mine!"

After a few ragged breaths, he turned his piercing gaze upon the person who ruined his high score. Goku sighed in relief and stood back up.

"No need to thank me, Veg. You would have done the same for me if I was hypnotized by that crazy robot."

Vegeta snorted at Goku's never ending stupidity and proceeded to cross his arms and glare at a near by wall as if trying to burn holes into it.

"EAT IT! EAT IT! EAT IT!"

Goku turned his head in the direction of where his favorite word was being yelled. A group of kids surrounded one of the arcade games chanting those very words to the kid at the controls. He glanced a bit up and saw the name 'Pac Man' printed on the game box and then turned his gaze to the screen. A large yellow gumball was rolling across the screen and was eating white nerds while colorful marshmallows were chasing after it. His stomach growled as drool dripped from his mouth. He broke out of his trance when Vegeta punched him across the face. Goku gave him a questioning look.

"The robot was devouring your precious brain."

Goku gasped in fright.

"Vegeta... although your intentions were well meant...I think you acted a bit too late. I can't remember what high school I graduated from!"

"You never went to high school. Wait. Let me rephrase that. You never went to a school."

Goku's eyes widen as tears threatened to burst out.

"Oh kami... no... the robot sucked your memory of me going to school! How can it be so cruel?"

Vegeta smacked his forehead and glided his hand down his face.

"Kakkorot...if you went to school, but lost the memory of actually attending it, then how do you know you went to school?"

"I...I just know."

All at once, the room's lights dimmed and the theme to 'The Twilight Zone' played through the room. Then the lights turned back to normal and the melody was no more. Vegeta and Goku just stared at the ceiling for a few moments. Vegeta shook his head and then headed towards the exit with Goku hot on his trail.

"Let's go eat!"

Vegeta sighed and agreed while using his Saiyan speed to grab a wallet out of some girl's purse as she walked by them. They both climbed some stairs to reach the food court and headed to a pizza stand. They took their number and found a table to sit at. After a while of Vegeta drumming his fingers on the table and Goku trying to read a newspaper while failing to notice it was upside down, the pizza arrived. Vegeta, unable to see any beverages, glared up to the waiter to yell his ear off, but caught himself when he realized who the waiter was. Clad in a pair of red shorts and a horizontal red and yellow striped shirt with a red collar, stood Raditz holding their pizza. Goku stopped 'reading' when he smelled the pizza and froze when he saw his elder brother frowning at them. Goku burst into laughter when he noticed the rather large hair net Raditz was wearing. Vegeta couldn't help but chuckle at the sight.

"Nice uniform."

Raditz glared at him, but nothing more. He sat the pizza on the table and turned to leave when Vegeta cleared his throat.

"I believe we ordered some refreshments as well, yeti."

Raditz mumbled a few choice words towards the prince and stomped his way back to the stand. He returned momentarily and slammed the glasses on the table and turned to leave, but was yet again stalled by Vegeta.

"Sasquatch! There's a hair in my drink, I demand another!"

Raditz had a few veins appearing on his forehead and grabbed his drink and returned with a hair free glass. Satisfied with his examination of the liquid, Vegeta proceeded to consume the Italian dish. While gorging himself, Goku stared at his sibling with curiosity.

"So, 'burp' why do you work here?"

"I need the money, that's what jobs are for."

"Well, I thought you were a boxer or something."

"I was."

"Why aren't you anymore?"

Raditz face turned a shade of red when he recalled the humiliating incident of him getting tangled up in his own hair and was down for the count.

"It wasn't for me."

Goku shrugged and slurped his soda while Vegeta took his share of questions.

"What do you need the money for?"

Raditz forehead started to shine with sweat.

"Because."

"Because of?"

"Just... because."

Before Vegeta could pursue the answer, Goku interrupted him.

"Hey! I almost forgot! It's your birthday today, Vegeta!"

Vegeta raised an eyebrow at Goku while Raditz slumped his shoulders and backed away a few steps while taking a deep breath and...

"HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YOU'RE ONE YEAR MORE WISER! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YOU'RE ALSO ONE YEAR CLOSER TO YOUR DEATH! HEY! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! WE HOPE YOU ENJOY OUR CHEESY PIZZAS! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YOU'LL BE CONSTIPATED ALL DAY! HEY!"

A couple of minutes passed when Raditz summed up the courage to raise his head to look upon his fellow Saiyans. Goku stared open mouthed with a slice of pizza in his hand right before his mouth while Vegeta had wide eyes with his left slightly twitching. The front half of Goku's pizza broke off and landed on the table with a 'splat', which seemed to break the silence.

"What the hell was that!"

Yelled Vegeta as Raditz came back to the table with a hint of red stained to his cheeks.

"I'm required to sing that for people's birthdays..."

"Well it isn't my birthday. You should know by now not to trust in Kakkorot's statements. They can occasionally be fatal."

"Raditz!"

The trio turned to see a fat man with a brown mustache and buzz hair cut approach them. He glared daggers at Raditz as he stopped right in front of them. Clipped to his suit was a tag with the word 'Manager' printed on it.

"A number of customers have complained about their meals containing numerous amounts of hair! Their skin exploded with hair! People are dropping left and right from the hair suffocating them to death!"

"How do you know those hairs are mine?"

His boss raised an eyebrow.

"Do you seriously expect me to answer that?"

Raditz sighed and shook his head in defeat.

"I regret to inform you that you're dismissed from your duties."

"You mean...?"

"You're fired."

Raditz lower lip began to quiver.

"Your uniform must be returned immediately, so get going."

Raditz dropped to his knees while hugging the man around his legs.

"Please don't fire me! I need the money! Oh Kami, PLEASE!"

The man's face started to turn red from anger and he grabbed for Raditz's hair net.

"I said remove the uniform!"

Raditz gasped in horror as he felt the net begin to pull free.

"Let go, you fool! You'll set 'it' free! The world will be in utter chaos with 'it' on the loose!"

His former boss ignored him and finally managed to get the hair net free as well as out of Raditz's grasp.

"You've got an hour to return the rest of the uniform or I'll call the police."

He left without another word. Raditz stood on his knees, unmoving. Goku walked over to his brother and laid a hand on his shoulder in comfort while Vegeta left to dispose of their trash. He came back to see Goku waving his hand in front of Raditz's face. He stood beside Goku and looked at the ex-pizza dude. His eyes were wide with extremely tiny pupils. No emotion emitted from them. After a moment or two, his mouth moved to speak, but nothing could be heard.

"What?"

Muttered a confused Goku.

"Run..."

Raditz's eyes returned to normal as he stood back up quickly.

"Run for your pitiful lives!"

Vegeta tilted his head while narrowing his eyebrows in bewilderment. Before he could question the frightened warrior, a high-pitched laughter emerged. Suddenly, mini dark clouds filled the food court and circled around Raditz's head with mini lightning bolts appearing randomly. Goku gazed at it in awe and shoved his hand into his pocket and retrieved a small black box.

"It's a Kodak moment!"

A click was heard, followed by a flash of light. Happy with the picture, he returned the box from whence it came and returned to his 'awe' state. A red lightning bolt appeared and struck the middle of Raditz's head, which parted his hair in half. A shadowy figure floated out of the thick hair and levitated above his head, but then floated back down until the lower half of its body was covered by the hair. It then threw back its head and out came a sickening laughter that echoed through the large room.

"I LIVE!"

The screech caused the clouds to instantly vanish. The florescent lighting fell upon Raditz once again. On the top of his head was a woman sitting Indian style with a light purple glow emitting from her. She had dark green hair tied into two buns with red fiery eyes. She was wearing a bikini knitted from Raditz's hair, which seemed to be falling apart from the horrible sewing. She grinned evilly as her eyes gazed across the room, which by now was deserted except for herself and the three Saiyans. Her eyes went from Vegeta, who still had that confused look, to Goku, whose face was as white as a ghost. She then looked down to Raditz.

"Don't just stand there! Introduce me to your friends!"

Raditz's winced at the sound of her voice, but complied with her demand.

"Um...I-..um..."

Growling in anger, she proceeded to reach behind her and pull out a frying pan and whack Raditz on the head.

"Stop stuttering!"

Goku then wetted himself as he stared at the frying pan and then leaned his head next to Vegeta and whispered...

"She reminds me of someone. I just can't put my finger on it."

Vegeta, not wanting the yellow fluids trailing down Goku's pants while forming a puddle to find their way towards his boots, pushed Goku away. Raditz regained his composer and spoke.

"This is Prince Vegeta of the Saiyans and this is my younger brother, Kakkorot."

She nodded to them both while waiting for Raditz to introduce her to them.

"Prince Vegeta, Kakkorot, this is my...my-..."

The green haired woman raised the frying pan in the air as a warning. He sighed deeply.

"This is my mate, Kiki."

Goku smiled in delight for seeing his brother 'happily' married while Vegeta burst out in laughter from Raditz's misfortune. A light bulb appeared atop Goku's head.

"Hey! Our wives should meet! Two wives mean twice the amount of food!"

Before anybody could protest, Goku grabbed the two while using his instant transmission to get to his desired destination. They then appeared in front of Goku's house. Raditz glared at his brother while Vegeta smacked Goku's hand off of him. As they were about to enter the house, the door slammed open.

"Goku! Where have you be-"

Screamed Chichi, but stopped as she noticed Kiki. Her eyes widen in shock and then narrowed in anger.

"Kiki."

Kiki turned her gaze to Chichi and smirked in pleasure.

"Chichi, so this is where you've been hiding."

"I thought I got rid of you on Riyu."

"Heh, you should check to see if your enemy is dead before you leave the planet."

Goku, being the idiot that he is, entered the conversation.

"Um...I'm hungry...can you guys discuss this while cooking?"

"Silence!"

Screamed the women. Goku shrank back behind Vegeta. Kiki pulled out her frying pan while pointing it towards Chichi.

"Let us finish what we started three thousand years ago."

Chichi reached behind her and also pulled her frying pan out."

"Yes, lets."

Kiki's frying pan glowed purple and then shot a beam towards Chichi, but Chichi did a rolling dodge out the door. The house went up in flames. Goku's eyes widen in horror as he fell on his knees with his hands clenched in his hair.

"NOOOOOOO!"

Vegeta, being too bored, just shrugged and leaned against a tree to watch the fight while Raditz was trying to grab the frying pan from his mate. Kiki being furious with her mate's betrayal, smashed her fingers into his skull. The life from his eyes vanished but was replaced with a purple glow while grinning. With her fingers still inside his head, she proceeded to control him as he sprinted towards Chichi. Kiki then whacked her with the pan, which caused Chichi to collide with a tree next to Vegeta and Goku. She glanced at Goku and then rushed for him.

"Goku, get up!"

Goku, while staring depressingly at the grass, sighed.

"What's the point in living if I can't eat anymore?"

Chichi rolled her eyes at Goku's stupidity for thinking that their house was the only place to get food and jumped on his shoulders. She then shoved her fingers into his skull with a green glow emitting from his lifeless eyes. Kiki and Chichi stared each other down as their husbands circled each other. All at once they charged and whacks from their pans clashed together. Goku fell to the ground, which caused Chichi to lose focus. Noticing this, Kiki charged forward and slammed her pan through Chichi's stomach. Blood gushed all over Kiki as Chichi screamed in pain. As Chichi was hanging on to what little life she had left, Kiki licked her lips and raised her pan over her head to deliver the final blow. Suddenly, a swarm of energy surged through Chichi that paralyzed Kiki momentarily which was enough time for Chichi to call upon her last attack.

"FRYING PAN OF DOOM ACTIVATE!"

With that said, the pan sizzled and out spat fried eggs that latched onto Kiki everywhere. Steam rose from her skin as the acid like eggs ate away at her skin. She screamed and within moments disintegrated. Raditz then fell to the ground, never to walk the earth again. Chichi, knowing that her departure from this world was near, called upon Vegeta. The prince kneeled down next to her and watched as her skin began to pale. Violently gasping for air, she managed to speak.

"Vegeta... I don't want 'cough'... Gohan to know ab-about this."

She grabbed Vegeta's shirt with bloody hands and pulled him a bit down while staring him in the eyes.

"Promise me... promise me th-that you wont tell him. Promise me that you wont... 'gasp' tell a soul till the day he dies. Promise me..."

Vegeta was silent, but only for a moment.

"On my Saiyan honor..."

He nodded in agreement which resulted in Chichi smiling. Tears filled her eyes from the thought of never seeing her son again. With one last breath, her eyes glazed over. Her loose grip on him was released as her blood stained hands collapsed to the cold hard earth. The once caring mother... was no more. The only thing remaining that proved she once lived was the salty liquids cascading down her cool pale cheeks. He knelt there for a small amount of time until a rustling sound grabbed his attention. He snapped his head towards the woods to see who the intruder was, but his face slightly faltered at the sight. A ragged looking Gohan stumbled out of the bushes. By the cuts and bruises that covered him, it seems that he just came back from a training session from his teacher, Piccolo. Gohan looked in Vegeta's direction and seemed startled to see the prince there.

"Vegeta? What are you doing here?"

No reply.

"Vegeta...?"

He remained silent as he stared at Gohan with cold eyes. Finally, Vegeta responded by slowly lifting his right arm towards Gohan. The boy tilted his head in confusion, but it was soon replaced with fear as Vegeta lifted his palm up with a bluish glow sprouting from the middle. The sudden rush of energy rushed to his palm and within seconds, unleashed it towards the exhausted child. Gohan, seeing his inevitable demise, lowered his eyes shut calmly and welcomed the consuming light. The dust settled as the only remaining Saiyan in existence scanned the area where the boy once stood. He then chuckled.

"Well, he never did find out."

At long last, he took off into the sky to return home, only to be struck with pain as he fell back down with a sickening thud. He glanced at himself and widen his eyes. Hair wormed its way out of his skin in huge clumps. He yanked and pulled at the hairs, but they were growing too fast for him. Wondering why this was happening, his head snapped up in realization. He only checked his beverage for hair, not the pizza. He then recalled what the manager said about people keeling over as the rapidly growing hair suffocated them.

"Damn you, Raditz! Damn you and your curly hair to hell!"

With one last look into the bright sky, darkness crept over him as the hair covered him whole, never to see the light of day again.

* * *

Yay! Another meaningless chapter completed! I thought this chapter wasn't as humorous as the previous two, but I'm low on ideas. So please, if you have any requests on what you want to see in the next chapter, tell me! The more ideas, the faster chapters come out! Oh, and you guys should check out SportschickVLVR's new fic, "War of the Quadrants". It's marvelous! 


	4. Saiyan of the House

The setting sun crept among the windows of Capsule Corp, leaving just enough light to get your way around the rooms the mansion contained. The curtains slightly curled around as a breeze swept through an open window, carrying with it a deep silence. All was at peace, until a four legged figure emerged from the shadows with an elegant stride across the living room. It looked towards the only source of light as the curtains danced among the window, visibility depending wholly on the crimson fabric. It sat there, letting the light flow freely across its eyes, causing a glow to emit from them. To the edge of its vision, a shadow seemed to have moved. It snapped its head in that general direction, but the shadow was no longer there. Its nostrils flared as it sniffed out its surroundings, but could only pick up the scent of flowers from the quite breeze. It's back arched as the floor behind it squeaked from too much weight upon it. It hastily turned around to reveal the intruder, only to find nothing as the floor squeaked again, lacking the pressure it once held on it. With quivering limbs, it slowly made its way towards the stairs, hoping to find sanctuary with its master somewhere along the second floor. It froze as it felt a warm breath trail over the back of its neck. A chuckle echoed around its ears, causing it to reclaim movement as it sprinted forward in an attempt to flea from danger. A flash of hope rose within itself as the sight of the stairs graced its vision, but was utterly destroyed when whatever it was running from pounced upon it. It screeched in complete horror as it struggled for survival. Within moments, the lights were switched on from the head of the stairs.

"Vegeta! Stop harassing the cat!"

Screamed Bulma as she glared down the stairs at the Saiyan Prince. Vegeta cocked an eyebrow at Bulma as Dr. Brief's cat whimpered from being pinned to the floor by Vegeta's weight on it. Bulma crossed her arms and straightened her back.

"Well?"

Vegeta frowned, but released his 'toy' anyways, causing the frightened animal to scurry its way up the stairs and down the hall towards Dr. Brief's location. Bulma shook her head in annoyance and was about to leave the room when there was a rather rough knock on the door, causing some old paint to chip off the door and fall like leaves to the floor. Vegeta knitted his eyebrows together, angered that the Briefs family will be having a 'guest' in the house. He stood up to go answer the door as Bulma came down the stairs. As Vegeta opened the door, his eyes shot open in surprise. Standing before him while holding several suitcases, was his father. Vegeta's cold look returned to his face instantly as he stared at his old man.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

His father growled at him, but replied.

"Your mother threw me out of the house, so I'll be living with you from now on."

Vegeta snarled back at him.

"Who ever said you 'could' stay here?"

"I don't need any permission; I go where ever I damn well please, brat!"

Vegeta grinned widely.

"If that's true, then I guess your mate shouldn't have been able to kick you out of your own home, right?"

His father was growing veins around his neck and was about to shout back, but something blue caught his attention. Noticing the thoughtful look upon his father's face, Vegeta tilted his head a bit and saw Bulma staring right back at his father with curiosity. She stepped forward next to Vegeta and looked back and forth between son and father.

"He's your dad? But, he looks almost exactly like you!"

Before he could respond, his father laid his things on the ground and grabbed Bulma's right hand. He raised it to his lips and kissed it gently.

"And who is this angel?"

He said smoothly with a hint of lust deep within his eyes. Vegeta swiped Bulma's hand away from his father and glared daggers at him.

"That is none of your concern. Now, I demand you leave the premises, at once!"

Bulma ripped her hand free from Vegeta's tight hold on it and placed both hands on her hips.

"Vegeta! He's your own flesh and blood! You can't just toss him out into the cold to fend for him self!"

Vegeta's hand turned into a white shaking fist as he turned to Bulma.

"Women, I assure you, he doesn't require any assistance what so ever."

"Nonsense! He will stay here as long as he chooses."

She then turned back to the Saiyan King.

"That is, if you're still willing to, sir."

He smirked in victory at his son.

"I'd be quite delighted to do so, Mrs...?"

Bulma extended her hand towards the eldest Saiyan.

"Miss. Briefs."

He took the hand all too greedily.

"'Miss.' Briefs... very delighted."

Vegeta's face turned red as they shook hands and then left to find a room for their new guest, leaving him to close the door. He mumbled a few choice words at a certain Saiyan and slammed the door. As he turned to catch up with the others upstairs, he heard a girlish scream. Pushing the possibilities away from his mind, Vegeta rushed up the stairs, turned into another hall, and almost lost his footing at what he saw. Right in front of one of the guest rooms stood his father with Mrs. Briefs wrapped around the back of him in a death grip while sucking the back of his neck like a leach. Bulma was a few feet away with her hands over her face in embarrassment while his father screamed like a girl.

"Mom! Let go of him!"

Mrs. Briefs momentarily freed her mouth from the swollen flesh.

"But sweetie! He's just so darn yummy!"

She then continued with her leach-like ways. Vegeta fell backwards while laughing with hysterics. Bulma went to go pry her mother off of the terrified Saiyan, but failed miserably.

"Vegeta! Help me!"

Vegeta paused in his chuckles and glared at Bulma.

"And have your loony mother leach on me? To hell with that!"

And with that said, he proceeded to laugh yet again at the scene. Bulma watched in horror as her mother began to glide her mouth completely over her guest's head like a snake. She panicked and screamed the first thing to pop in her head at Vegeta.

"No more GR for you then!"

That shut Vegeta up instantly. He growled, but went to 'save' his father. He slowly walked up to his father who was ramming his back into the wall to free himself. He whistled to gain Mrs. Breifs's attention, which it did, and then brought out his tail, wiggling ever so slightly, taunting the blond. Her eyes darted side to side as it followed each and every one of it's movements and then leaped for it, but landed on her face on the ground as it pulled out of reach. She lifted her head and blinked a few times, regaining her senses.

"Oh, my muffins!"

She then stood to her feet and ran down the stairs to the kitchen. Vegeta then turned back to the two remaining people and frowned when he saw Bulma cleaning his father's face off with a napkin ever so gently. His father was slightly shaking from whatever it was he saw deep within the moist chamber.

"I think I saw a bone wedged between her teeth…"

Bulma laughed nervously while recalling what happened to her mother's last victim.

"Na, you're just imagining things. Now, let's get you to your room."

With that said, Bulma opened the door and led him in. Vegeta walked over and leaned at the entrance with his arms crossed while watching Bulma show his father around. After a few minutes, they returned to the entrance with his father muttering to himself something about the uselessness of squirting toilets to clean your asses.

"Well, that's about it. Dinner will be ready in five minutes."

Said Bulma as she turned to leave, but was halted by the elder Vegeta grabbing her arm.

"I just have one question."

Bulma did a double blink then blushed for not asking him 'if' he had any questions.

"Um… sure, go right ahead."

He let her arm go free as she turned back to him.

"What is this 'GR' you mentioned to my son?"

Bulma grinned at the chance to brag about her intelligence, but her mother's voice from the kitchen interrupted the trio.

"Pumpkin! I need some help setting the table up!"

Bulma sighed, but complied with the request.

"Coming! Vegeta will have to show you it. See you both at dinner."

Before Vegeta could protest, Bulma ran down the stairs. Vegeta scowled in annoyance, but then it turned into a thoughtful look. Within moments, it morphed into a cruel smile.

"Come along, father. There is much to be seen."

He rubbed his hands together joyfully and led his father outside to the GR. As they approached the large metal sphere, he saw his father tilt his head in curiosity. He placed his hand upon the scanner and said his name. The door hissed and slid open. They walked inside and to the controls.

"This is the gravity room. Also known as the 'GR'."

His father cocked an eyebrow towards his son.

"'Gravity room'?"

"Yes, it changes the gravity in this little room to very high levels, making simple workouts more of a challenge."

He silently walked backwards towards the door as his father gazed around the room in awe.

"So, how does it work?"

Vegeta stopped right at the door and slid open a small control panel.

"How does it work, you say?"

He then pressed a few buttons quietly and returned his gaze back to his father.

"Oh, I'll show you how it works."

He smirked evilly as the ceiling slightly opened and a clear colored wall slammed its way down to the ground, separating the two Saiyans. The older Saiyan turned around and stared at his son in confusion as the room turned red when all of a sudden, he fell to the ground with a thud.

"That, my dear father, is what gravity feels like."

His father struggled to get up, but fell back down as Vegeta raised the gravity level. After a few grunts, Vegeta lowered the level, which resulted with his father glaring hatefully at him. He shot up and rushed towards the prince, but was slammed back to the ground with the slight touch of the dial by Vegeta. His son finally turned the gravity off, which sent his father flying to the ceiling.

"Ah… sweet, sweet, revenge."

And with that said, he proceeded to turn the dial back and forth resulting in his father bouncing up and down like a ping-pong ball.

"Gravity on. Gravity off. Gravity on. Gravity off."

With bumps and bruises all over him, his father managed to speak before getting the wind blown out of him again.

"Get rid of the gravity, damn it!"

Vegeta was silent for a moment, then chuckled.

"As you wish."

His father fell to the ground and as he pushed to get up, the computer beeped.

'Zero gravity initiated.'

His father looked like he was about to explode in rage as he started to float around. Vegeta burst into laughter as all the hair on his father, including his tail, was spiked up like a pist off cat. After awhile of listening to his own laughter, Vegeta finally calmed down and looked back to his father, who had his arms crossed and was silently glaring at him while still slowly floating around like a cloud. He decided to leave as he became quite bored with the situation, but typed a few more commands into the machine before he opened the door. The lights dimmed with a disco ball coming out, spinning its lights everywhere slowly, and some speakers appeared playing the song 'Fly me to the Moon'.

"Enjoy."

With a snicker, Vegeta left to attend dinner. He took a seat next to Bulma while Dr. and Mrs. Briefs sat together on the other side of the round table. Within a few moments of everybody stuffing his or her faces, an explosion was heard, followed by the glass door sliding open. With a few smudges on his clothing, the eldest Vegeta took his seat on the other side of Vegeta. He stayed silent as he grabbed item after edible item and placed it on his plate. Three minutes went by as the two Saiyans ate at a faster rate then usual until all that was left was a large piece of steak. Both Saiyans stared each other down, daring the other to go for it.

"Woman, pass the steak to the prince of Saiyans."

Demanded Vegeta, still staring at his father. Bulma's left eye twitched, but said nothing.

"No, pass it to the O mighty king of Saiyans, wench."

Said his father with the same authority. Bulma shot up in a flash and gave death glares to both Saiyans.

"The 'wench' is still hungry!"

With that said, she slammed her fork into the juicy solid and thrusted it all into her mouth, swallowing it whole. They both fell down anime style with their legs twitching in the air. Vegeta opened his eyes, but all he saw was black as he darted his eyes back and forth. He stood back up while rubbing the back of his head. He could no longer smell food in the air and judging by the bump on his head, he must have knocked himself out for a while when he fell off his chair. He glanced towards the microwave clock that glowed green numbers. It read '1:42 am'. He growled in anger as he thought about how everybody just left him there and went off to dream land. After a few minutes of cursing, he headed up the stairs to his room for his own time to slumber. He was about to grab the knob to open the door, but stopped as he heard some movement on the other side. He scowled at the thought of someone rummaging through his things and barged in instantly. As he flipped the light switch up, his eyes grew to the size of bowling balls. A clone-like version of himself was grunting like crazy on top of his blue haired hostess in his own bed. As the door made contact with the wall, they both snapped their heads to Vegeta's general direction. Bulma's face paled as she looked between the 'clones'.

"B-b-but..."

The clone pulled away and sat on the side of the bed, smirking at Vegeta.

"I'm so sorry, my boy. I just had to take her for a test ride."

Vegeta narrowed his eyes at his father's newly shaved face. Before Vegeta could do anything, Bulma sat up on the bed and sighed depressingly.

"Damn it, I was so close."

They turned their heads towards her as she tugged at her chin. Their mouths dropped open as she pulled her skin off and over her head to reveal a tanned face with a spiky black hair.

"K-kakkorot!"

Goku turned his disappointed eyes towards Vegeta.

"I didn't mean it Veggie-kins! I swear! This special moment I was saving was just for the two of us, but I was blinded by lust with this look-alike that I thought was you! Oh, my heart will burst with complete sorrow just to touch that smooth face of yours..."

Vegeta's eyes twitched in disgust.

"What the hell are you talking about!"

Goku tilted his head in confusion.

"Don't you want to be my mate?"

Vegeta's face turned green, but he held the nasty liquid in.

"NO!"

The lower hall lights turned on and in stepped Bulma with tired eyes. They turned huge as she looked at the scene before her.

"Okay...um..."

She couldn't think of anything to say. The eldest Saiyan, who had been staring as Goku this whole time in shock, shook his head clear.

"You mean...that I...slept with a..."

He gulped and looked towards his son who just stood there silently. Realizing the answer, he lowered his head into his hands and quietly wept. Goku got up and wrapped his arms around the king to comfort him, but was frown across the room into a wall.

"Get the hell off me!"

He then stood up in all his naked glory and flew out the window. Goku looked up in panic.

"Don't go! Your the closest thing I can ever get to the original!" And with that said, Goku stood up in all his feminine body suit glory and followed the once proud king. A few moments went by until Vegeta turned to Bulma.

"Where were you this whole time?"

Bulma rolled her eyes.

"In the lab, where else?"

Vegeta released some air he was holding as he guided Bulma and himself out of his room, no longer capable of withstanding the strong scents it contained.

"Got any room in your room?"

He smirked devilishly at her. She blushed as she turned her head away from him. He was about to grab her when a dark blue tail with a white tip appeared behind Bulma. He grabbed it and tugged at it, causing Bulma to poof into a puff of smoke. Vegeta coughed a few times and opened his eyes to see Yamcha's furry companion. Puor started to shake nervously.

"Um... hi."

She waved at him shyly. Vegeta was getting frustrated with all these weird things happenings and screamed to nobody in particular.

"First the gay clown, now the stupid cat! Is this some kind of sick joke?"

He then glared daggers at the frightened kitty.

"Where's the REAL woman?"

He growled lowly and stepped towards Puor.

"Uh... she's dead."

Vegeta froze in mid step.

"What?"

"She's been dead for 13 years."

He grasped the talking cat's neck and pulled it close to his face, eye to eye.

"You're lying."

His nostrils flared as he fought to control himself from ending the shape shifter's life before getting some answers.

"I'm not. She was killed as a child by some local thugs as she was taking a shortcut back to her house down an ally. I just happen to be near by when I saw this happen. As they disposed of her body, I took on her identity to live a life of luxury. You just happen to be a bonus later on."

Vegeta stood still and felt disgusted with all the things he did with 'Bulma' these past few months. He then raised his hand and lowered it on top of his head. His eyes became emotionless as he chuckled.

"Heh, like father like son."

The blue energy from his palm engulfed him and the prince of all Saiyans was no more. Puor floated there for some time, then her eyes lit up with an idea. She poofed into Vegeta and smirked evilly.

"Payback time, Oolong."

She then walked down the hall into the shadows with thoughts of revenge in store for the poor piggy.

* * *

Finally got another one done. Yippe! This one, I didn't really get inspired by anything, so if it's crappy, then it's all you mean people out there's fault! (sob) No ideas equalscrappy ideas. So there. Now, I'm off to go to an anime expo tomorrow because my so-called friends dragged me into it. XD I'm going as Android 18 since I already had similar clothes...and I'm poor...so, good choice I tell you! It would be kind of weird if I went as Vegeta... haha, cross dresser! XD Marvel at my manliness, simpletons! (thrusts hips forward into a poll) Owie! Who put that there? (reads sign) "No thrusting aloud... unless you have a permit." Damn, don't have one of those. Well, I'm off to get my permit, so I can embarrass my "friends" at the expo! 


	5. Bonding with Daddy

A fierce thunder-like noise echoed through out the rooms of C.C., causing whatever insects in the mansion to scurry back into their holes. A forgotten glass of water left over from last night's activities rippled as the noise echoed yet again. With each roar came with it a vibration so strong that dust flew off whatever object they were sleeping upon. As the large cry became closer and louder, furniture were literally hoping centimeters into the air as if they were alive. The lights flickered on and off with each echo. Suddenly, a hole was created on a wall atop the staircase. The fist that made the hole retracted back to its owner's side as it shook violently.

"Damn woman and her stupid vacations."

Said the prince as he strolled down the stairs with his other hand across his stomach.

'ROAR'

Growled his stomach, causing a light bulb to pop out of its socket and land on his head. He snarled in frustration and slammed his fist into the wall again, leaving his twelfth mark along the hall upstairs. Shaking the glass from his head, he stormed his way to the kitchen to try and work the cooking appliances again. He grabbed a couple of packets of hotdogs from the refrigerator and closed the door. He stood there silently for a few moments and then slightly tilted his head enough to glare daggers at a certain object behind him.

"You may have won the previous battle, but the war is far from over."

He then walked towards a recently poorly used microwave with chunks of burnt food splattered about the area. He opened the greasy door and tossed the hotdog packets in. He poked in a few numbers after he shut the door and crossed his arms to wait for the completion of his victory. As time passed by, his forehead began to shine with sweat as the timer was drawing to an end. He grinned in delight as the last second past and no explosion was heard. He opened the door and took out the radically bubbling meat. He placed it on the table and proceeded to peal the plastic off. He grabbed his fork and plunged it into the meat, causing it to blow up in his face. A vein grew on his forehead as he raised his arm towards the microwave and fired a ki blast. As the ball of energy grew near, the microwave's mini screen had the words 'sore loser' scroll by before it exploded. He leaned his cheek on his hand with his elbow on the table as he used his other hand to do one swipe across his face to get rid of the melting meat blobs. He then flew out of his chair as something hit the mansion. He got up and rubbed his head before running outside. As he opened the front door, he heard a hissing noise to his right. He turned his head over there and lifted an eyebrow in confusion. Two mini yellowish pods were rammed into the side of the mansion. He cautiously walked over to them. He froze as the tops of the pods opened. A figure from each pod jumped out and landed a couple of feet from him. He took a step back as both the tall and short figures gave him a dreamy look, failing to notice each other. All at once, they latched on to him, giving Vegeta a huge hug.

"Get the hell off me, you freaks!"

The taller one got off immediately while the tiny one continued to hug his leg. Vegeta shook his leg a few times, causing the little one to finally let go and land on his bottom. The two figures looked at each other. They're eyes widen in shook. The taller one glared at the tiny one.

"What are you doing here? There's no reason for you to be here! You already have one!"

"Yeah right! Mine has been locked up in that room ever since I popped out! So basically I don't have one."

"Well, that's your problem! So get lost!"

"Make me!"

Vegeta looked back and forth between the two as he observed their appearances. Both had different styles in clothing, but looked alike, except one looked like an older version of the other. They continued to bicker as they forgot Vegeta was there.

"Damn it, what's going on here!"

They both went silent and blinked a few times, and then turned their attention back to Vegeta. The taller one looked down and rolled his fingers across each other as he spoke.

"Well...you see... um..."

"Dad! Tell him to go away!"

Yelled the shorter one at Vegeta.

"Dad?"

Repeated Vegeta confusingly. The taller one smacked the tiny one across his head.

"Quite!"

The tiny one knitted his eyebrows together in anger, but did as he was told. The taller one sighed and looked back towards Vegeta.

"What he says is true. You're our father."

"Our?"

"Yes. Well, technically we are the same person, were just from different time lines. I'm from the original future while he's from this time lines future."

Vegeta was silent while the little guy shook his head and grinned as the taller one continued.

"I came here through this time machine to get to know you better because you die only a few years after I'm born..."

He lowered his eyes to the ground and sighed. The little guy continued for him.

"And I came here for the same reason, except you're not dead. You've just locked yourself in the GR and refuse to come out. So basically it's the same thing as him."

The older one rolled his eyes at the kid's comment. Vegeta blinked a few times as he finally noticed the color of their hair. ...Purple.

_'Ph, these guys are trying to trick me into getting something... There's no way MY son would have such hair coloring.'_

As he thought of this, the two were bickering again.

"Of course he likes me better! You've got purple hair! Ewwwww!"

"Idiot! You have purple hair too!"

"Nu-uh! Mines lavender! L-A-V-E-N-D-E-R!"

"We're from the same DNA. How could we possibly have different colorings? Besides, I'm stronger then you! So obviously he'd like somebody who'd be a good fighting partner."

"Yeah? Well so what! You're taller then him. Why would he hang around people taller then him? You-you... TALL freak!"

"At least I can reach the stove to cook my own meals!"

Vegeta snapped out of his thoughts as his stomach growled at hearing what the taller boy said.

"You... can cook?"

He looked at Vegeta oddly.

"Uh...ye-"

Vegeta's stomach growled again causing the teen to grin inwardly as a plan to win his father's affection went through his head.

"-ssssss! Why yes I can! Would you like me to fix you something, father?"

Vegeta scowled at what the boy called him, but decided to go along with it at the moment for the sake of hunger. He turned and headed back to the house as the teen smirked at the kid. The boy angrily stepped on the teen's foot and raced for the entrance. The teen yelped as he hoped a few times while holding his foot before racing after the boy. Vegeta sat down at the head of the table, waiting for something edible to appear before him. The two look-a-likes pushed and shoved to get into the kitchen first, which ended up with both of their faces on the floor. They both rushed to different parts of the kitchen. Vegeta looked at the clock and turned his attention back to the teen to ask how long it would take.

"Boy!"

Both of them turned to look at him and awaited a reply.

"...name?"

"Trunks."

They both said in union. Vegeta slapped his forehead and glided it down his face in frustration.

"Do I just call you number one and number two?"

He said sarcastically.

"Only if I can be number one!"

Said little Trunks. The taller Trunks tossed a frying pan at the kid's head.

"I'm older then you! I'm number one!"

They started to toss food at each other until Vegeta roared in annoyance.

If you don't give me 'different' names right now, I'll have to make ones for you! 'Stupid' and 'stupider'."

"...which one's 'stupider'?"

"AHHHH!"

"Okay, okay. I guess you can call be Mirai."

"...can I be Vegeta Jr.?"

"NOOO!"

Screamed Vegeta. The boy pouted, but thought of something else.

"Fine, call me Chibi."

They stood there waiting for what he wanted to ask earlier, but with all the weird things going on, Vegeta forgot what it was, so he waved them back to their 'duties'. Mirai was making shish kabobs on a grill while Chibi climbed on top of the counter to reach the cupboards, forgetting that he could fly. As he jumped back down with a box of fruit loops, Mirai was already done with his meal and was walking it over to Vegeta confidently. Chibi snarled and tripped him, causing Mirai to lose his grip on the plate. The shish kabobs flew right through Vegeta's hair and stuck into the wall behind him. Mirai looked on in horror as he raced to retrieve them while Chibi snickered and placed the box on the table Vegeta was sitting at and went back to get a bowl and some milk. Mirai glared at Chibi and flung a shish kabob at him, causing Chibi to fly into a wall. He struggled to free himself as his shirt was being held to the wall by the shish kabob. Tired of waiting, Vegeta grabbed the cereal box in front of him and titled the box to poor a few pebbles out onto the table. Both of the purple haired boys turned their heads towards the clattering noise. They're eyes widen at Vegeta. Their father flicked his finger at one of the pebbles, causing a flicker of ki to fly out and fry it. While it was still on fire, he grabbed and tossed it into his throat, swallowing it whole. Both of the future kids started to sweat as they awaited the final verdict. Vegeta was silent for a moment, then shrugged and continued frying the pebbles and eating them.

"Ha ha! Success!"

Laughed Chibi. Mirai 's shoulders went limp as he lowered his head in disappointment. After awhile of Vegeta devouring one box after another as the future kids glared at each other, the time had come for the prince to empty his digested cargo. As the other two continued to bicker, he left to do his business in the up stairs bathroom. His hands clenched tighter every now and then as he sat upon his throne. As the last splash of water dripped off his buns, he lifted one of his hands to wipe the coat of sweat that grew on his forehead while the other reached for the roll of toilet paper... except there was none. His eyes darted around the room in search for a spare, but ended up groaning in despair.

"Allow me."

Before Vegeta could turn his startled face behind him to see whom the intruder was, he felt something soft slide between his buns and swiftly retract with the brown gunk with it. His eyes widen as he saw Mirai crouching over the top of the toilet tank with the used toilet paper in his hand next to his grinning face.

"I always keep one with me. Just in case."

Vegeta leaped out of his seat.

"WHAT THE F-!"

He tripped over his own pants and did a face planter before finishing his sentence, giving Mirai a full view of his cheeks.

"Oh, hold still. I missed a spot."

This time, Vegeta reacted quicker and leapt again to his feet with one hand holding his pants up and the other with his palm raised to Mirai as a signal to stop.

"G-get away from me!"

Mirai turned confused eyes towards Vegeta.

"But father..."

"STOP! Just, stop!"

Just then, the bathroom window Mirai used to get in there earlier opened again as Chibi came in.

"What are you guys do-"

Chibi's eyes shot out at the sight of his father with his pants undone with one of Mirai's hands inches away from Vegeta's crotch.

"EWWW! I can't believe your trying to pleasure father to make him like you..."

Vegeta's face dropped before he yelled back at Chibi.

"It's not what it loo-"

"...especially when you know I'M his bitch!"

Vegeta lost his grip on his pants after hearing that.

"What is wrong with you people! Get out of here!"

With that said, he released a huge energy ball towards them. They both erupted into two golden auras with their hair spiking up into blond hair and green eyes. They both extended their hands and absorbed the ball of energy as it made contact. As they transformed back to normal, they looked towards Vegeta, only to see nothing but his pants and undies on the floor. Vegeta was running like crazy down the hall half naked. He tilted his head back a bit to see both kids flying after him.

"Oh Kami! What did I do to deserve being chased by horny demon children!"

He returned his head forward again only to skid to a stop across the carpet. Chibi was standing before him with his arms crossed in a Vegeta-like pose wearing a miniature version of his outfit with black dye dripping around his neck from his now black spiked up hair.

"See father? No more purple hair!"

Within a split second, Vegeta had already turned around and raced away from the mini version of himself, only to slam into Mirai holding a vile full of green liquid. He fell backwards and landed on his bum. He looked up to see six deformed furless tails sticking out of Mirai's tailbone.

"I know how much you missed your tail, so I made this to help you grow another one!"

Vegeta's face scrunched together while he stared at the tails wiggling as if they were having a heat attack, seeming to drip greenish ooze in random places. He whacked the vile away and got up to run down the stairs, causing the green liquid to melt a part of the wall away. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw Dr. Briefs' cat stretching a few feet away. He lunged for the cat while tumbling a couple of times along the floor before leaping back up into a sprint to the front door.

"Stupid cat! Save me!"

He twirled into the air and proceeded to fling the cat at lighting speed towards the stairs while landing back into his running pace. The horrified cat spun around so fast that it shot piss marks all over the place as well as both of the purple haired kids. It's claws sprung out as it finally landed on Mirai's face, not letting go as it continued to piss all over his face. Vegeta made it to the front door, flung it open, and raced outside only to come face to face with Chibi, yet again, holding an Oozaru monkey plushie. He held it to his father as Vegeta continued to run towards him.

"If you ever feel like crying, it's always good to have a friend to hold on to for such moments."

Vegeta sliced the plushie's head off with his ki as he ran past Chibi. The purple haired boy fell to his knees as his lower lip quivered.

"Mr. Fluffy-kins! NOOOOO!"

Vegeta was behind the C.C. building frantically looking from side to side for something to save him. Within a few moments, an idea popped into his head and he turned to head back to the right side of the building. Halfway there, he saw Mirai break through one of the glass windows to the kitchen holding a stick with an odd shaped piece of meat on it.

"I made you a fried cat on a stick! Yummy in your tummy!"

He smiled lovingly as blood glided down his face from the thousands of scratch marks all over his face. Vegeta quickly thought of a solution to get rid of him.

"There's no barbeque sauce on it! What kind of son are you to deprive me of such luxuries?"

Mirai gasped in shock as he turned to retrieve said item. Vegeta shook his head at the boy's stupidity as he finally reached his destination. He felt two strong kis racing around inside the building, obviously looking for him.

_'Okay, calm down. Concentrate on your surroundings. Believe this is going to work. Believe...'_

His breathing slowed back to normal as he stood there, his muscles relaxing. The power levels were finally outside on the other side of the building. He closed his eyes as he tilted his head back to face the clouds above. The ki signatures turned a corner around the building behind him and were know sprinting towards him many yards away. He extended his arms outward from side to side with his hands hanging limp from the wrists. His left eyebrow twitched as they were mere feet away. The two boys lost sight of him as they flew right by where he once stood, causing them to fly into one of the time machines. The force caused the top to fall shut and click as it locked. Before they could untangle themselves from each other, the machine beeped, signaling that they were about to vanish through time again. They both turned panicking eyes forward as Vegeta landed a few feet away from the spot he once stood as he finished a back flip. He smirked at them while waving one of his hands at them as a farewell just as a blinding light swallowed them whole. As the machine flew out of the warp hole, the machine's engine broke down with a loud bang, causing the boys to tumble out of the machine through the plastic covering. They groaned as they began to get up with a deep silence following soon after. They blinked a few times before their muscles began to tense up. They both stood in the middle of what seemed to be a bar surrounded by bulky human-like creatures dressed in armor with brown tails wrapped around their waists staring at them oddly while making no movement. The only noise that could be heard was from one guy sitting at a table of three silently staring at them as he held a beer inches away from his mouth, but failed to notice it's contents spilling all over the table. Both of them gulped as the situation at hand didn't seem like it would get better. A few moments of silence past until a faint voice towards the back of the crowd spoke.

"Hey, they have purple hair... kill them!"

They all roared in agreement and violently lunged at them. Vegeta sighed as the day's events flew by his mind. As he turned to head back into the building, he glanced at the other time machine. He froze in mid-step and grinned wickedly. He hoped into the machine and within moments, was flying through time. A couple of seconds later, the machine landed on soft soil and the hatch popped open. He leaped out of the cockpit and landed near his target. Before him stood a small child holding a large bluish fish three times his size with one hand as it hung behind his back. The boy just stood there looking up at Vegeta, puzzled at the sudden appearance until he took notice of Vegeta's lower region. He smiled openly and pointed to the dangly thing.

"Just like grandpa!"

Vegeta cocked an eyebrow before rolling his eyes and firing a ki blast through the kid's heart, killing him instantly. He chuckled before turning to jump back into the machine to do other personal things, when the fallen boy's tail sprung out of his master's tail bone and latched around Vegeta's neck. Vegeta struggled to free himself, but couldn't escape the death grip he was in. He fell backwards to the ground, still tugging at the furry appendage until his hands went limp and fell to the ground. After a few more tight squeezes, the tail uncurled itself from the once prince and wormed it's way into the bushes to start a new life. Just as it left, a car drove by and stopped right in front of them. A girl with blue hair tied into a braided ponytail stepped out of the car and walked up to Vegeta's lifeless body. Her eyes popped out at the site of something she'd only dreamed of.

"Oh yeah, he's the perfect boyfriend all right."

She grabbed both of his legs and dragged him to the back of her car. She opened the trunk and dumped him into the cramped space. She giggled to herself while she got back into her car as ideas of what he could do to her with such impressive equipment after she revived him with the dragonballs.

* * *

Okay, chapter five completed! Well, actually, this would have been chapter three, but I never got around to making a plotline for this, so I waited a few chapters before thinking of one. Oh well, you got to read it either way. >.> And if you couldn't tell what planet the Trunks kids were on or who the boy and girl were with such obvious descriptions of them, then please... don't read anymore of my stuff. Come back when you've become dbz brainwashed. Now, today's the third of August... meaning that on the fifth... is my birthday! XD I'll be turning seventeen, so since you're all poor and have nothing better to do then read my crap as a pass time, would you all be so kind as to write a review? It's the best gift you can give me mainly because whether I like it or not, I can't return it for money! Oh yeah, and it doesn't cost you a penny to make. Maybe a few seconds of your life, but hey, I'm willing to sacrifice your time for my selfish needs. Aren't I generous? Oye, it's fifth teen minutes past seven AM. XD I started working on this around one AM! So I hope that's enough reason, if my Birthday isn't enough, to write me a review since I stayed up all night till morning to finish this... Ah, back cramps! Feel pity for me! ;-p Okay, I'll shut up now. (Hunches over while limping around with cup and sign saying 'Money for the poor.'). 


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